,I find myself keep circling in and out, of what I perceive to be love. Exhaustion not only plagues my face, but it also plagues my heart. It gets draining when you find yourself giving away pieces of your vitality to anyone and everyone willing to take it. Maybe, just maybe, that right there is my issue; I’m looking for love in every nook and cranny. But honestly who the hell wants to date a Black woman in her mid-twenties with two kids?…yeah that’s what I thought.
The place where I REFUSE to look, is in my baby-father, Kadeem. This tired, good for nothing ass negro is all kinds of ain’t shit. You would think that he would want to see his children, but he would rather see wasteful women. I can’t even believe that I fell in love with this scrub and found myself so god-damned in love to have 2 damn kids by him. I promise to you that I do not hate the man, I more so hate his actions. You know, it hurts being so deeply in love with a person and to build this mystical future with them, just to have everything come crashing down before your very eyes. The pain…the pain that is there is just unforgivable and what hurts even more is that we both did things to come to this cold and frigid ending. 5:32PM appears on the clock and Issa and Lawrence’s love saga is interrupted by an obnoxious knock on the door. Oh. Its him. Was it his weekend to get the kids? Last time I checked, it was my weekend, so what is this fool doing here. As he progresses towards me he presents me with a bouquet of Forget-Me-Nots…my favorites. I don’t know whether I’m more shocked that he’s HERE with flowers or that he remembered my favorite flowers. What is he doing? He asked me if I remembered what today was and sadly I was stuck with the “Nigga what you talmbout” face. Disappointment danced over his, what seemed to be, subtle facial expressions. He goes on to tell me that today we would have made 8 years. But my question is WHY does it matter all of a sudden? Has this fool lost his mind? Entitlement, or for better words the thought of entitlement is really a motherfucker. Rule #1 : People come into your life for a reason. Be patient in finding out the answer, but please do not over exert or over extend that welcoming feeling.
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A'maara L.A Guide to Blk Love Archives
May 2020
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