I stood by the door as he waltzed into my home. It’s been forever since I allowed him into my safe space, both literally and figuratively. He trails pasts pictures of me and the kids, examining every detail as if he were some sort of conisseur. My anxiety was gradually escalating and I found the courage to walk in his direction and take the flowers. I’m caught in this pretense of ambivalence with him being this close to me. He’s just staring at me and it’s uneasy yet comforting. This stare brings me feelings of nostalgia; he’s speaking to me without moving his lips. The suspense abruptly comes to an end when he pulls me in for a warm embrace. His hands trail all over my back and arms carefully avoiding anything that could lead to something that I wanted so bad but did not need. The thoughts that crossed my mind were of a sultry nature and I know he felt what I was feeling. The hold he had of me got a little tighter, and he whispered, “I’m sorry for it all, I love you and I always will.”
Again, I snapped out of it. I made a promise to myself that this wouldn’t happen again. But shit, forbidden fruit always tasted the sweetest. I had to take a few steps back from him and demanded him to explain all of this. Kadeem gave me this perplexed look and said, “It’s you. It’s always been you and it will always be you. A year and a few months apart and I wanted to tell you this so badly. We are living like we’re gotdamned business partners, as if our children are some form of barter. I’ve been longing for you and I’m here now to make it all right. This is the black union, this is the black love we’ve both been preaching by and for all these long years, Keira” Ya know, this is just like this negro to rush into my life without thinking how things impact me, without considering whether or not I have something going on. He believes that time ticks in his accordance and he fails to put into perspective what’s going on in my life. It enrages me that he thinks some little flowers, a handsome face, and some charisma is going to change the factors of the past. He’s got another thing coming if thinks I’m this foolish. Rule #3 : Earn me
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A'maara L.A Guide to Blk Love Archives
May 2020
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