Again. It's 4:55 in the morning and I'm up again. The first word that rolls into my now, uneasy mind is agony. The agonizing pain of longing for you, but knowing that I can no longer have you. The agonizing pain of wanting you near, but learning that distance is the best option for us. The agonizing pain of needing this emptiness filled by you, and you only...however, I can't allow that anymore. Tears well up in my eyes and it hurts to swallow. This is the truth that keeps me up. The reality of who you truly are feed the fears that have me up night after night at 4:55 in the morning. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of losing myself over and over for you to only find yourself in other women. I'm tired of trying to fill the shoes of women who I should have never felt the need to be in competition with...for you. my stillness will return ....
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A'maara L.A Guide to Blk Love Archives
May 2020
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