I came home and something was out of order, I just couldn't put my finger on it. My room looked the same, the kitchen looked the same, so why am I feeling this awkward vibe? There it is, I smell his scent, but where is he. A few seconds later, I hear the toilet in my relatively small bathroom flush. "You're home early" is followed by a kiss by my boyfriend with the most perplexed look on his face. He looked like he's been working all day, only thing is HE DOESNT WORK. Upon closer inspection I notice that the dishes are washed, my room is swept, the furniture is dusted, and tub is scrubbed. He smelled like his natural testosterone scent mixed with cleaning products. What a time to be in love. This was love, coming home to MY man and to MY house being clean. A black woman is grateful for such treatment. I embrace him with a hug and he blesses my forehead with a kiss; moments like these I life for. My heart races whenever he brings me in close, my body goes wild. He tells me that I've had a long hard day and I deserve to be pampered. Who am I to object to my man? He heads to the bathroom and set a warm bath with a few drops of lavender oil. He tells me to get in and leave everything up to him. I give him the satisfaction of taking care of me. I was in there for what seemed like days, indulging in every single second. D'angelo's sweet voice sang in the back and I've never felt so at peace. A knock on the door breaks my trance and he runs the shower on my body and wraps me in a towel. He then escorts me to the bedroom where I see my silk night gown waiting for me on the bed. My senses heighten when he warms up my skin with this vanilla scented Shea butter and dresses me. He turns the light off and lit my favorite vanilla candles. Somehow I ended up in his arms and then carried into bed. The night ends with passionate kisses and a comforting booty rub.
Rule 4: sensual without the sex is needed too, don't forget that!
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Wow, today makes a year, it's been a whole year. I'm shocked that someone managed to stick by me for this long. I've been in love with this fool for a year, just completely smitten. He spent the past weekend at his old college buddies spot out of town and was supposed to be flying in today. But, as always there is some unexpected fuckery. He calls to tell me that he won't be able to make in for our anniversary. Can you believe this negro? I wanted yell, scream, curse, cry, beg, and plea all at once but whatever, it's always something with him. I went to bed feeling empty, as if something was stolen from me. I never resented him so much, but honestly it's out of his control. I woke up the next morning just pissed off as ever, probably even more. Time progressed until the afternoon, and I didn't hear a peep from the kid. Finally, my phone breaks it's dormant behavior and that T-Mobile jingle begins to blast. It's him. "Happy Anniversary Babe", I hung the phone up, like who does he think he is. He called again, I ignored it so he decides to text me. The text read "ordered you pizza because I know you're mad at me, pizza guy should be there soon, so be on the look out" Great, not only did he piss me off, he buys me pizza so I could be angry and fat. *rolls eyes* Ugh, finally the bell rings and I grab my cup of tea and sluggishly approached the door. Tears just rolled down my face. There I was presented with something greater than pizza, the love of my life holding pizza and daisies. "I told you before, happy anniversary babe"
Rule number 3: the element of surprise works in your favor. Utilize it. I ran into my ex on 125th and Lenox. It was quite a strange experience; the atmosphere was heavy and saying hello just seemed like the mature thing to do. Things between us ended horribly, but you know I'm happier now, I just, I mean we just never got that sense of closure. Days later, he found me on Facebook and invited me out to lunch, this would be my opportunity to seize that chance of "goodbye" that we never received. But, do I tell my man. Would he trust my decision to meet up with a past lover over bad food and cheap drinks? I don't think so. I go anyways, allowing myself to get back that piece of me that he was hoarding, for whatever selfish reasons, is way more important than his opinion. The day of this "date" is finally here, I somewhat regret doing this because we all know closure is total bull. I spot him, he shaved and got a clean fade. He knew this was my favorite look. damn, he's beautiful, but that's not my purpose, I need to stay focused. We spoke, we laughed, and, we dined just like old times. It felt good, it was a warming sensation that became so foreign to me. But I realized that you can miss something and not want it back. My man now, is that exactly, a man. He gives me this warmth times 10. He wouldn't jeopardize our relationship for temporary desires as my old joint did. I know he will be hurt and even angry when I tell him that I convened with my past, but I think it's pretty damn reassuring that he's everything and more that our ancestors could have ever blessed anyone with, he's my blessing.
Rule number two: leave your past alone, sometimes you're better off without it. We met each other a few months back. I think it's safe to say that it is love, but I just don't want to get ahead of myself, again. There's this sense of calmness in the atmosphere whenever we touch; it's eerily euphoric. I don't know why but everything just feels so right, I just learned to trust whatever omens come my way. He calls and tells me to get ready, he's treating me to dinner tonight. What to wear, what to wear? This is the only sense of anxiety that plagues me, keeping him happy and satisfied when I'm with him. I want to appeal to every sense of his body without touch, the perfect outfit just adds to the ambiance, right? After rummaging through my closet, I find this beautiful red, silk dress. It hugs my body ever so close. I delight my skin in coconut oil and lightly fragranced perfume. Mascara and a beautiful plum color on my lips. I'm ready. The uber is waiting for me outside & it takes me to this unknown place. The scenery feels familiar, why does this look like his neighborhood? Oh it is. Maybe the uber is going to pick him up as well and we'll be on our way to some restaurant. I wait for a little in the car and then he comes out with the slightest puzzled face, "babe, come on out, what are you waiting on?" Okay now I'm even more confused. He tells me that I'm a little over dressed for what he has planned and now disappointment possesses my face. He gingerly inserted his key into his door and in front of us was a beautiful candle lit dinner.
Though the dinner date wasn't what I planned it to be, you notice that it's the simple pleasures in life that keep you satisfied. Money isn't all. That's my first rule for love, to you. We are reincarnates of our ancestors. I'm not talking about the royalty, I'm speaking of the ones who were physically stripped of their riches and given rags to survive in. It was their magik that allowed us to take their form. We are given the opportunity to breed the love that they were not able to; this is why we need to make the best of it, to make them proud. We have everything here, right in front of us, yet we make it so difficult. My solution to it all is to love without conditions and restraints. Learn your king or queen, inside out and treasure what they have to offer to you. Denying yourself of love, true love, only makes it difficult for the next generation's reincarnates.
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A'maara L.A Guide to Blk Love Archives
May 2020
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